Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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