piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
