dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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