There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
