I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
