HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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