pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
