You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
