remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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