I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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