I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
