you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
