yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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