I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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