Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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