he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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