And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
