Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
