4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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