I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
