I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need water and some morals
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
