moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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