Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
