Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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