Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
