Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
