Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
