Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
