she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
