If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
