You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
