so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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