When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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