she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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