She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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