his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize