Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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