This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The air was thick with penises
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need Xanax blowdarts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize