I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
