Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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