she looked like the before picture.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
