I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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