And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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