I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
