we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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