Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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