do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
