If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
