that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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