I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize