i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize