I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
