Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
