I think i peed on brittanys purse
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
