I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
