Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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