I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
