I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
