girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
