I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
