The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
