the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
