I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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