My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As shirtless as possible
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
