I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize