When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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