once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
