I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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