well you can't waste a boner
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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