i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
