my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
