last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
