Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
