don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
