porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
